These and many other questions have made us all ask the question, "What does all of this mean?"

The following are my memories of the beginnings of this universe. I realize that those on the "other" side(s) of this beginning have had a different experience. If you are led to read this, you were there with me as we first awakened and I hope to trigger your own remembrance.

The Initiation

Consciousness Is Born In This Universe

We created this present cosmos simply. We declared:

"Let us create a Void, a null space, a place of perfect balance containing no differentiation, and next let us place ourselves, as a singularity, within this Void. We will then observe how long it takes us to distinguish our first perceptions of duality . . .

"The perception of our being separate from the Void . . .

"The perception that we do exist."

At this point, the timelessness of the Void we had placed ourselves in was shaken by my sudden perception: I had moved! I had ascended my way up out of nothingness; I had perceived my own existence.

The realization of a difference between "then" and "now" flooded my consciousness as time pulsed for the first time within my awakened reality. Had I been there, in that same place, for all of eternity, I wondered? A strange new sense of "now" and "then" had opened an innate perception within me.

I had discovered the aspect of time.

I did not know how long I had been unconscious. I just remembered the onset of the realization that I existed and pondered what this could mean. I wanted to know more but continued to drift repeatedly in and out of consciousness. Every time I awakened to an awareness of my existence, excitement and wonder would fill my being until I lapsed into unconsciousness again.

It was both perplexing and exciting! Not only had I discovered that I existed, but I also had come to the realization that my existence was located in a place. The eternal question, "What does this all mean?" reverberated throughout me as I sank back down once again into unconsciousness.

The same question still reverberates in us all today.

When I awakened again, I began exploring the feeling behind my new perception of space. I sensed that it was based on the movement that I felt within me, and I wanted to know more about this.

Though I was certain that what I felt within me was movement, I could sense it only slightly. I know now that what I felt was a subtle focusing on "this" and "that," but I could not grasp those concepts at that time. In my effort to do so, I would lose consciousness again, later awakening in confusion.

This time, as my consciousness roused, I noticed that the stiffness I had been feeling whenever I consciously tried to move was beginning to subside. I was softening. I was also warming up, and with this realization came a fresh state of awe and an unexpected feeling of comfort. Again, I wondered what all this could mean as I explored many other feelings while resting in the warm sensations flooding my being.

The ideas of "this" and "that" continued to occupy, confuse, and fascinate me.

I began to develop an illusion. As "I AM that I AM," I began to entertain the possibility that maybe I AM not "that." Was it I moving, or was there something else there with me? I mused over this question for a long time until I slowly drifted back to sleep.

(I did not realize it then, but when I popped into consciousness, it was only for fractions of what we measure now as a second of time. Just as a year seems interminable to a five-year-old because it's one-fifth of such a child's life, a second seemed like a long time at that juncture of my awakening. I also did not realize that for that fraction of a second I was moving from zero to the speed of light in an instant and then whizzing into unconsciousness again. After each of these experiences, there was a bit more of me. I had discovered that "I" included a past. Every sensation instantly added to the essence I identified with. Each experience added to my sense of who I AM, so I felt larger and different each time I awakened.)

I remember the first time I lay there on the verge of consciousness, entertaining the feeling that maybe I was not alone. It was a strangely different experience than anything I had previously felt. For all of eternity I had always felt that I was all that was. Until then, all my experiences had consisted of explorations into what I AM.

As I began to drift out of consciousness, however, I was absorbed in contemplating what it could mean if this "other" whom I sensed really was there with me. I also wondered if that other was having the same experience I was having.

I wondered if it knew that I was there. I also wondered if it would still be there with me the next time that I awakened. With that, I realized that I had a concept of a future, and that concept corresponded with the surprising and mystifying idea of a past that was already a part of me. I did not know what to make of either.

The next time my consciousness began to stir, I awakened, startled by another certain feeling that I was not alone. I know now that I had taken on a "magnetic" form. I then moved, which caused a connection to my "electro" aspect, and our touching resulted in the first spark.

The effect was so startling and intense-so electromagnetic- that I could have sworn something outside of me had smacked me!

Pain, heat, and a great rushing of movement completely engulfed me as I found myself hurtling at an unimaginable speed. Terrified and confused, I struggled mightily to understand what was happening. How was it possible to experience stirring, warm sensations of comfort one moment, and the next moment horror?

It now almost overwhelmed me as I realized what I was discovering was a new dimension of space. As I found myself falling so fast that everything and every thought was a blur, I wondered if there was a limit to this space, if my nauseating plunge would ever end. I had no way to understand this experience, this suffering. Fear was my single response.

I see now that here is where I received the imprint of perpetrator/ victim consciousness. We are just now coming into enough balance to begin healing this debilitating imprint.

Gradually, the hurtling speed with which I was traveling began to slow down somewhat. As I found myself decelerating, I became aware that the searing heat that had been torturing me, along with the intense feelings of annihilation that accompanied it, was dissipating. I was beginning to feel my essence cooling down.

Again, the question that begged to be answered churned through my being. It's the question we have never stopped asking: "What does all of this mean?"